:. last night on call(19/12/10) .:

Bismillahirrahmanirrrahim..terasa sekejap masa berlalu, hari ni dah 20/12/10.. da nk abes tahun 2010. Apepun, perjalanan aku masih lagi jauh, jauh sekali utk mencapai aawan. Huhu.

Mlm td, aku kat 2 intan. Mcm biasa, terus mencuba utk mengisi logbook oncall. Lagi 2 hari insyaAllah. After this, xperlu lagi berkejar..tapi, the major problem now is..my major ot still have 4 to fill in. OMG! Semalam, ada satu peristiwa yg memang aku xdapat lupakan, tapi Alhamdulillah tiada apa yang menakutkan berlaku. Mse tengah round dengan doctor, tetiba nurse panggil “doctor, patient bed16 ( if m not mistaken)ade SOB(shortness of breath)!” maka, bergegaslah doctor diikuti oleh beberapa medical student di situ ke tempat kejadian. Perkara yang paling aku takuti.. That was my second time faced this problem. First one was at A&E, n memang berakhir dengan tragis la. We all terpaksa buat chest compression jugak utk patient tu. But, semalam Alhamdulillah setelah para doctor bertungkus lumus give o2 n resuscitate that patient, patient kembali stable.. but, doctor ask his relatives not to leave him alone. Anything can happen. Dalam hati aku” Ya Allah, tolong selamatkan pak cik ini. Aku xsanggup melihat kematian di depan mataku buat kali ke-2. Sungguh aku tidak sanggup ya Allah.mungkin selepas ini aku akn fobia utk selama-lamanya. Ya Allah..” puas di dalam hati aku berdoa agar Allah menyelamatkan ustaz tersebut. Sungguh, aku tidak kuat. Only God knows my feeling at that time. Sungguh sayu..(don’t know whether this is empathy or sympathy…? K.ita said, “ yuni xboleh rase macam tu”) but..what can I do..?~
Kisahnya, pak cik ni masuk disebabkan severe dehydration d/t persistent diarrhea since 2-3 months ago, but accidental finding after buat chest x-ray revealed that this pakcik also suffer from heart and lung problem. He is a really chronic smoker before. He did not have any other medical illnesses before other than ankylosing spondilytis which was diagnosed app. 20 years ago. And what I think is that, he surely has poor prognosis. He is very dehydrated, got ascites, heart failure??(maybe ) and also lung problem( fibrosis, pulmonary edema). He just 54! Butwhen I look at him, I feel like facing 70 year old patient..

hurm, actually,i got one experience with him also before. One of the HO try to put central venous pressure at his left forearm and I’m the one who assist that dr., but unfortunately, she fail to find the vein(blood vessel). I still remember the patient said, “nok cucuk lagi ko? Kesat la dulu ngn tissue lembap tu, baru xsakit. Kalu x, sakit..” and everytime doctor try to insert the line, he will definitely in pain. I try to calm him and I’ll never forget that. At that time, he still can speak to me and sometimes can smile to me. Eventhough it was just a moment, but still, that was my best experienced with him. After that, his conditioned became deteriorated. He look very lethargy.. until that night, he got SOB. So many relatives surround him, recite the yaasin with doa. And what make me sad is that, his children never leave him alone and always be with him,recite syahadah through his ear. I feel like want to stay also in that ward at that night. But, what can I do? Nothing… me with ain went back to hostel at around 11pm.
** aku hanya mampu mendoakan yang terbaik buat pak cik..